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Ellen’s Got Real Estate Tips

Transcript

00:00
– I love real estate, and I think people know that.
00:02
I love to buy houses, I like to sell houses.
00:04
When I order a drink, I’d like it to be on the house.
00:06
And– [laughter]
00:08
I always want to know what houses are out there,
00:10
so I’m always looking at the real estate listings.
00:12
But you have to know how to read them,
00:13
because they use these secret codes,
00:15
and they put in things that seem positive, and they’re not,
00:18
so since I know a few things about homes,
00:20
and as the creator of HGTV’s “Ellen’s Design Challenge,”
00:23
Mondays at 9:00– [cheers and applause]
00:25
Oh, thank you.
00:30
Oh, thank you. I thought I would point out
00:32
a few things to watch for when you’re buying a house.
00:35
Let’s look at the first one right here.
00:37
This one says “two-bedroom, two-bath condo with potential.”
00:41
[laughter]
00:43
You gotta look out for that word “potential,”
00:45
because “potential” means that the yellow mold
00:48
could potentially grow into black mold.
00:50
[laughter]
00:53
Let’s see the next one.
00:54
“One of a kind, two bedrooms, five-bath house.”
00:57
Okay, “one of a kind” is another red flag.
00:59
The builder never made another one, because he’s in prison.
01:02
Okay? [laughter]
01:04
He’s been sued, and he can’t make another one.
01:06
And my–what I would look at,
01:08
who needs a two-bedroom house with five bathrooms?
01:11
[laughter]
01:13
I don’t think you need a house, you need a doctor,
01:14
that’s what I think. [laughter]
01:16
You don’t need that many bathrooms.
01:18
There’s two people in there.
01:20
Here’s another one.
01:22
“Cozy studio apartment.” Okay, “cozy”…
01:25
means “teeny, teeny, teeny, tiny, tiny…
01:28
teeny, teeny, tiny.”
01:30
If you are the person that prefers to sit
01:32
in the middle seat on an airplane,
01:34
this is for you. [laughter]
01:36
That’s what that place is going to be like.
01:38
And here’s something that seems good:
01:41
“Three-bedroom, two-bath house. Seller is motivated.”
01:44
“Seller is motivated” means this house is currently on fire.
01:48
[laughter]
01:49
He wants to sell quickly. [laughter]
01:52
All right, and very quickly: “classic” means “old,”
01:55
“retro” means “old,”
01:57
“original” means “old,”
01:59
“good bones,” “old bones,”
02:01
[laughter]
02:02
“newer” means “about to be old.”
02:04
[laughter]
02:06
The “er” on the end.
02:08
And I hope that helps you if you’re looking for a house.
02:11
And right now I’m going to use my good bones for this dance.

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